Exclusive: Interview With JJ Abrams

Dear Constant Reader,

What do you do when you get an email telling you that JJ Abrams wants to talk to you?
You take the chance, and realize that you won't be outdone by the brilliant man who interviewed the "Cloverfield" monster.

"We Were The Cool Kids" Sits Down With "Cloverfield" Producer JJ Abrams :

WWTCK:
Thank you for taking the time to sit with us to discuss "Cloverfield", and clear up a few things about this great mystery project.

JJ:
It's great to be here.

WWTCK:
About "Cloverfield" ... there's been a lot of theories-

JJ:
I killed a hooker and Paramount covered it up.

WWTCK:
Pardon me?

JJ:
They won't let me go now ... you've gotta help me.

WWTCK:
Um-

JJ:
I can pay you.

WWTCK:
Can't we just talk about this movie?

JJ:
Who sent you?

WTTCK:
What? Mister Abrams can we just talk about "Cloverfield"?

JJ:
Fine ... fine ... but don't you tell me that there isn't a microphone in that ficus.

WWTCK:
That's not a ficus.

JJ:
I'm on to you ... I created "Alias" ... I know things ... bad things ... dark things.

WWTCK:
Are you okay Mr. Abrams?

JJ:
Until you've Greco-Roman wrestled with a greased up Tom Cruise in a hotel room in Rome you don't know anything.

WWTCK:
I really don't ... really?

JJ:
(whispered)
He showed himself to me.

WWTCK:
Um. Is it true you're going to be revealing the title of this film at "Comic-Con"?

JJ:
I can do that now if you like.

WWTCK:
Really?

JJ:
Of course.

WWTCK:
So the title is?

JJ:
I just told you.

WWTCK:
What?

JJ:
(whispered)
If you play this interview backwards ... everything is revealed.

WWTCK:
Really?

JJ:
Paramount wants me back at the studio ... right now.

WWTCK:
Oh I didn't know you had an appointment?

JJ:
They're watching us.

WWTCK:
Who is?

JJ:
(whispered)
Them.

WWTCK:
Paramount?

JJ:
Shh! ... don't you know they have powers ... bad powers ... they're run by ... (whispered) Jews.

WWTCK:
I didn't know that

JJ:
Jews run everything man ... it's all in the trailer of the film.

WWTCK:
It is?

JJ:
Paramount thinks it's a monster? ... it's (whispered) the Jews.

WWTCK:
What?

JJ:
They killed ... her.

WWTCK:
"Her" who?

JJ:
I have a gun.

WWTCK:
Excuse me?

JJ:
I'm prepared to cyanide myself if anyone learns of the truth.

WWTCK:
A gun?

JJ:
And cyanide ... if Jennifer Garner has taught us anything by being married to Ben Affleck it's you need to have a couple of different ways to escape.

WWTCK:
I'm confused.

JJ:
If the cyanide doesn't do it a bullet always will.

WWTCK:
I'd like to leave now.

JJ:
But you've already left.

WWTCK:
Why are you always so cryptic?

JJ:
I'm not really here.

WWTCK:
I think I'd really like to leave.

JJ:
Don't let the seahorse hear you think.

WWTCK:
The what?

JJ:
Now they'll never let the bubbles out of the cage.

WWTCK:
Bubbles?

JJ:
Who told you about the bubbles?!

WWTCK:
You're really scaring me.

JJ:
Would you like to go for lunch?

WWTCK:
Um no.

Arthur
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