Exclusive: Interview With "Cloverfield" Writer Drew Goddard

Dear Constant Reader,

Today we sit down with "Cloverfield" screenwriter Drew Goddard to discuss this mystery project.

"We Were The Cool Kids" Sits Down With "Cloverfield" Writer Drew Goddard :

WWTCK:
Thank you for taking the time to sit with us to discuss "Cloverfield".

DG:
As long as we don't talk about the "gay" rumours it's all good.

WWTCK:
"Gay rumours"?

DG:
Yeah that me and and JJ are currently riding the hobby horse.

WWTCK:
What?

DG:
Do you honestly believe a straight man would've had anything to do with "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"?

WWTCK:
I'm here to talk about "Cloverfield"

DG:
Total metaphor for all the pillow biting I've done.

WWTCK:
Don't you think that's a little immature?

DG:
Nothing immature in having a man inside you ... it hurts like Hell for one ... see what I did there? I said "Hell" ... that'll keep the geeks busy ... make sure you spell that in capital letters and backwards all creepy like.

WTTCK:
So you won't tell us what this movie is about?

DG:
126 minutes long.

WWTCK:
The movie is 126 minutes long?

DG:
Had we left in the underwater stuff it would've been much longer.

WWTCK:
Underwater?

DG:
Would you like a cookie?

WWTCK:
No

DG:
I took up baking after my friend Al gave me this great recipie for endangered Panda ... slides right off the bones.

WWTCK:
This isn't really accomplishing anything.

DG:
Sorry please ask a question.

WWTCK:
Is it true this movie is being shot entirely with video cameras?

DG:
Not the stuff in the the flodded tunnel under the city ... it never would've worked ... the moment the monster opens it's mouth? ... it got hotter than a 12 year old Thai boys asshole after an eight hour shift in a sweatshop

WWTCK:
Um ... monster?

DG:
Damn straight Shub-Niggurath.

WWTCK:
Alright ... is it true the cast wasn't given a script before signing on?

DG:
Can you take out the stuff about the 12 year old Thai boy?

WWTCK:
Um ... sure

DG:
Thank you ... and yes it's very true ... that won't happen again ... Kinko's was totally unprofessional with us.

WWTCK:
Any improvisation in the film?

DG:
JJ is not big on that kind of thing ... we had a tight script ... and I do mean ... tight

WWTCK:
Tight ... okay ... so what do you think of all the hype?

DG:
Hey we've gotta steal ideas for the sequel somewhere you fat son of a bitch

WWTCK:
Pardon me?

DG:
Have another cookie tubby.

WWTCK:
Pardon me?

DG:
Look all I'm saying-

WWTCK:
We're getting off-track.

DG:
There won't be a train in this film.

WWTCK:
What?

DG:
You heard me the first time fatty.

WWTCK:
Excuse me?

DG:
I bet if I produced a sandwich right now I could totally get you to do the "Chunk Shuffle"

WWTCK:
I'm not fat.

DG:
Why are you so obsessed with talking about your weight? ... eating disorder line one!

WWTCK:
Can we get back to the movie?

DG:
Sure.

WWTCK:
It's been said that this movie is being referred to internally as "Godzilla" ... comment?

DG:
Not Godzilla

WWTCK:
But it's a monster?

DG:
Yes

WWTCK:
When will we find out more?

DG:
How much more do you need to know? ... it's a motherfucking monster from the motherfucking sea ... I've always wanted to say that!

WWTCK:
So it's a sea monster?

DG:
I didn't say that.

WWTCK:
Yes you did.

DG:
Don't tell me what I said just Mister "You Just Said It" Person ... I know fifteen ways to kill a man.

WWTCK:
Um okay.

DG:
Are we done?

WWTCK:
Probably.

Arthur
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