Earth Day For Serial Killers

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

Today is Earth Day, and that means that a lot of people will be pretending to care about the earth.
What about if you're a serial killer? Can't you contribute to fixing our planetary problems as well? You sure can!
There are several serial killers who have taught us that you don't have to be sane to care about the world in which you live, and today we're going to learn how current serial killers can save the earth.
Let's begin ...

1. Ads :
Worried that the newspaper ad that you use to lure victims is destroying our trees? Have you considered luring victims through online ads?
There are many great services that will allow you to be more efficient in luring unsuspecting women to your rent stabilized massacre house.
Trick a victim into thinking that you're a good person, and save a birch.

2. Axe Murder :
Bullets are not only expensive, but they aren't immediately reusable. Have you considered using an enviro-friendly axe instead?
You may have to chase the screaming victim, but you'll do so with a clean conscience.

3. Bathrooms :
Why would you want to litter a roadside with a corpse when you can use your bathroom to both clean (if you wish to have sex with the corpse), and dispose of it down the toilet?
You may use more water, but this will also mean that there won't be nasty exhaust emissions from the inevitable drive to the secluded dumping site.

4. Cannibalism :
Imagine not only being able to deal with overpopulation, but being able to feed yourself cheaply as well?
You may find this practice disgusting, but this is another way to cut down on unnecessary litter.

5. Cults :
Take a page from Charles Manson, and send out your kill-crazy cult in one vehicle instead of separate ones. Not only will this slow down fuel dependence, but exhaust emissions as well.

6. Necrophilia :
Why litter at all when you can have use the corpse for sexual relief? Imagine having a sex partner that can't talk back, and has the "real-person feel" that sex dolls don't?
Have you found a undiscovered way to preserve the dead? Use that to your advantage, and recycle the sex organs for your own personal enjoyment.
Another way that you're cutting down on creating more unnecessary trash, and waste!

7. Souvenirs :
All the hip serial killers will often take pieces of their victims as a trophy of their accomplishments. This is a super way to have to dispose less of the corpse, and cut down on adding to the world's terrible littering habits.
It may not be as good as previous steps, but at least you get a gold star for trying.

These are just seven ways, but I'm sure that you can find other ways to protect our planet from it's inhabitants littering ways.

Happy Hunting!

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