99 things that I've learned ...
- Some people can talk to the dead
- Some people can't
- Some people will believe anything
- Religion proves that
- Love makes you crazy
- Hate does too
- Believing in God is dangerous
- Not believing in God is dangerous too
- Most folks are totally clueless
- It's what keeps them alive
- Joe Eszterhas is the greatest storyteller alive
- Skepticism makes people stupid
- Removing an engagement ring is impossible
- Aliens are real
- So are ghosts
- Alternative medicine is just as effective as that of the traditional kind
- Always say "I love you"
- But only if you do
- Take a walk
- Daily
- Women are far more deceitful than men
- They have to be
- Smoking doesn't kill you
- Neither does second-hand smoke
- Everybody wants to be famous
- Because they don't know any better
- Sex is God's greatest invention
- So are cookies
- Television makes people stupid
- So does reading the paper
- Age is as painful as youth
- In completely different ways
- Some folks have way too much money
- Some folks live on the street
- Small towns are bad for the heart
- Honesty isn't appreciated
- Lying isn't as well
- The meek shall inherit the world
- After it's all been destroyed
- Politicians don't care
- Ever
- Some have been abucted by aliens
- Except the ones who tell you they were
- People want what they want
- Then they want something else when they get it
- Nobody gets into Heaven
- Heaven doesn't exist
- Homosexuals aren't going to Hell
- Hell doesn't exist
- Nobody plays piano like Elton John
- Nobody plays guitar like Eric Clapton
- Poltical beliefs are as dangerous as those that are religious
- Bloggers aren't writers
- They never will be
- Psychiatry is bullshit
- Alcoholism isn't a disease
- Books are better than film
- Films are better than life
- Conspiracy theories are theories
- Quija boards work
- It's pronounced "Wee-Jah"
- Sports are meaningless
- Self-help books don't work
- David Copperfield is the greatest magician ever
- Lists don't mean a thing
- "The Shining" is the scariest thing in print
- Romance novels are the stupidest thing in print
- Ebay is better than the store
- It's also more trouble than it's worth
- The internet will soon kill us all
- Profanity isn't bad
- Censorship is
- The bible is far worse than porn
- George Carlin is the funniest man alive
- Paula Poundstone is the funniest woman alive
- Whatever happened to her?
- Recycling is a waste of your time
- The planet will die regardless of what you are doing
- Being rich doesn't make you respected
- It makes you think that you are
- John Hughes understands
- Whatever happened to him?
- Woody Allen is the greatest filmmaker alive
- Leonard Cohen is the greatest poet alive
- I hear that he's totally broke
- Oswald didn't kill Kennedy
- Fucking Marilyn did
- Fucking Kennedy killed her as well
- 9/11 was allowed to happen
- Nostradamus wasn't a seer of things that would come
- He was also a very poor writer
- James Randi is a cranky old man
- So is the President's wife
- Ann Coulter's closet is full
- Elvis is dead
- "Family Guy" is the greatest show on TV today
- Cancer will never be cured
- My father was incapable of love
- Except for himself
Arthur
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6 comments:
Abslolutely brilliant! Women are more deceitful than men because they have to be? Hmmm. I guess it depends on how you define deceit. Subtle versus overt. Women are more subtle and we tend to deceive ourselves just as much we do others. Just my humble opinion.
Men may talk alot about "sucking it up" and "being a man" because it's the bullshit they are raised with. Women aren't. Men are lying to themselves when they think they are somehow superior and they feel threatened when that's brought into question. Especially by women. This pushes women into feeding them the "you're my protector" bullshit whether it's true or not. There are a thousand variations of this.
See, I don't think I've ever ancouraged or allowed a man to think he's my "protector." I have "baggage". I pack and unpack it mayself and it's mine alone to carry. If anything I tend to want to be the protector-it's usually referred to as "unleashing my inner social worker" and it's probably annoying to men...especially those who want to be tough and go-it-alone, even when they clearly don't have to. I think this may be true of a lot of women and men. We want to take care of the people we love, we just need them to tell us that's okay and they want that too.
I'm not saying all women do this. Nor am I saying they should. It's bullshit. But most of the women I've been with did this to me. It wouldn't have mattered anyways because the men in my family fed this shit to me when I was a young boy. Guys are raised with a ton of bullshit about what women want and expect. Women are too but men aren't really raised to care about that.
That's a very interesting observation...that men aren't raised to care about what women want and expect. Actually explains a lot about my recent emotional debacle. I'm going to have to analyze this a little (or a lotta) bit further. It's both insightful and profoundly depressing. Thanks.
DAVID COPPERFIELD! ♥
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