An Interview With ... Me

Dear Constant Reader,

Today I thought I would let my readers know a little bit more about myself ... by myself ... er ... yeah.
I sat down with myself and asked myself the following questions that I found on Blog Talkers :

Me : Do you sing/dance in the house when you’re alone? If so, what to in particular?

Myself : I'm so rarely alone that I don't get much of a chance for even inappropriate touching.

Me : Touching?

Myself : Next question please

Me : What gift have you received in life that is most precious?

Myself : My testicles are huge!

Me : What?!

Myself : See?

Me : Those are big

Myself : Yup!

Me : What 5 things would you take to a show and tell to a kindergarten class?

Myself : Listen I might have been Catholic once but not anymore so if you're implying ...

Me : No ... I'm not ... let's move on

Myself : Good

Me : You know so far you haven't really told your readers anything about yourself

Myself : I told them I have a gigantic nutsac

Me : Do you think they really needed to know that?

Myself : Probably not ... but so far that's one thing they didn't know about me before

Me : Good point

Myself : Thank you

Me : What do you feel most guilty about?

Myself : I had a very good friend for about 15 years which was half my life and I regret losing that relationship because of how I behaved and I still miss her very much

Me : What did you do?

Myself : I wouldn't stop showing her my gigantic nutsac

Me : Can we please get off your nutsac?

Myself : Believe me if you were on my nutsac buddy you'd know it ... it's gigantic

Me : Can we move on?

Myself : If you'd stop talking about my gigantic nutsac yes

Me : But you ...

Myself : I what?

Me : Nothing ... What’s the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever witnessed, live?

Myself : Does the Bush administration count?

Me : Sure I guess

Myself : Alrighty

Me : If you could transport yourself back to any one moment in time of history when would it be?

Myself : Hmm ... probably the time of Jesus

Me : Why?

Myself : Who'd want to miss out seeing a dude nailed to two pieces of lumber?

Me : Yipes!

Myself : Indeed

Me : Why are people obsessed with the weather? And if you watch the Weather Channel, why?

Myself : I love The Weather Channel ... who the fuck needs a window when you've got that on! I don't know if people are so much obsessed with the weather I just think there's not a lot else on TV

Me : What are your favorite words and why?

Myself : I think George Carlin has a great list : shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits

Me : What album did you listen to most as a youngster and do you still have it?

Myself : The first real full album that I listened to and connected with was Elton John's 1992 album "The One" ... after I heard the title song for the first time I was an Elton John addict ... still am to some degree ... I was 16 at the time

Me : What’s the thing you fear most in life?

Myself : Death

Me : If you could do anything for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Myself : Stay in bed and have around the clock sex

Me : You are pretty hot

Myself : I know

Me : What one thing did you see or hear today that caught your attention?

Myself : My brother-in-law called again because his wife is a whore

Me : Pardon?

Myself : She's incapable of keeping her woman-junk to herself

Me : Oh ... What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

Myself : Hasn't happened yet

Me : What was your favorite book as a child and do you have a copy of it?

Myself : I loved the Dr. Seuss books ... especially "Green Eggs & Ham" which could explain my violent eating disorder which wasn't helped by an overbearing mother

Me : Um ... oh-kay ... If you could change the date of Christmas, when would you change it to?

Myself : I'd move Christmas to October 31st and Halloween to December 25th just to mess with the Christians

Me : If you could choose anyone in the world to be President of the USA who would it be?

Myself : Christopher Walken of course!

Me : What TV show do you remember most from your childhood and why?

Myself : Two shows : "Inspector Gadget" and a Canadian show called "S'Kiddle Bits" hosted by Joey Gregorash ... I'd come home for lunch at noon to watch it

Me : What would you like your life to be like in ten years?

Myself : Owning a bookstore with my gay partner who I met after getting sick of women's craziness

Me : Hmm ... When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Myself : A writer ... always a writer

Arthur
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