Drunken New Years Karaoke Cunt - LIVE!

Monday, December 31, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

These folks need to realize that owning a webcam doesn't make you interesting

New Year's Drunken Karaoke Whore :



Arthur
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Lemme Ask You Something

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

If I were to give you a whole box of Dodge Charger accessories would you be willing to give me a Dodge Charger?
I realize that I wouldn't have any accesories left, but at least I would have a vehicle.
Being without wheels sucks more than anything, and I'm starting to go broke because of it.

Arthur
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Are you a hydroxcut man?

Dear Constant Reader,

I'm making dieting one of my resolutions for 2008, but I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to go about this.
Diet, and excerise?
Or should I just jam a whole shitload of hydroxycut down my throat, and pray that I don't go into some kind of chemical coma?

Arthur
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Pinup Girl Jeanne Carmen Dies

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

Another one of those classic stars has left the earth today, and I'm a little sad about the whole affair.
The starlets of today could sure learn a thing or two about class acts like Jeanne Carmen.

IRVINE, Calif. (AP) — Jeanne Carmen, the "little country girl" who became a 1950s pinup and actress and hobnobbed with Frank Sinatra and other stars, has died. She was 77.

Carmen died of lymphoma Thursday at her Orange County home, said her son, Brandon James.

Born on Aug. 4, 1930, in Paragould, Ark., Carmen picked cotton with her family before running away at 13.

"I was just a little country girl that wanted to be a movie star," she told the Orange County Register in 1996.

Carmen was still a teenager when she came to New York and, despite having no show business experience, immediately became a dancer in a Broadway show called "Burlesque," with comic Burt Lahr.

She later went into modeling, gaining a measure of success with a series of cheesecake shots in men's magazines. One gig turned into a new career as a trick golfer. On tour with golfer Jack Redmond, she would perform stunts such as hitting a ball out of a man's mouth.

Carmen claimed that she later hustled golfers with Las Vegas mobster Johnny Roselli.

She came to Hollywood while still in her 20s, where she appeared in low-budget movies with such titles as "Guns Don't Argue" and "The Monster of Piedras Blancas."

Carmen also claimed to have had affairs with Sinatra and other celebrities.

She moved to Orange County in 1978.

In addition to her son, Carmen is survived by daughters Melinda Belli and Kellee Jade Campo, and three grandchildren.

Arthur
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Hey Christmas Fatties

Dear Constant Reader,

It's December 26th, and time to crack out the treadmills
I think I've eaten more this season than I've ever eaten in my entire life, and I feel completely grossed out about the entire thing.
I'd like to hear from my readers what their diet plans are now that the biggest eating season is over.

Arthur
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Norad Santa Tracker

Monday, December 24, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

The Norad Santa Tracker is a great way for you, and your spoiled brats to follow this fictional tubby ass around the world and let your kids know how soon they'll be able to learn the real meaning of Christmas: They'll get gifts for doing nothing.
We all know that Christians made up Jesus' birthday so that they could take away a holiday from the Pagans, and that should be enough proof that Christianity is a giant ass fraud.
If you have to steal the birthday of your savior from the calendar of another religion (so apparently "Thou Shalt Not Steal" is merely a suggestion?) this should be clue number one that you're believing bullshit.
Merry Fucking Christmas.

Arthur
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7 Things That Are Irritating Me This Week

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

Everything irritates me, and this is a list of just a few of those things.

2007 Things That Irritate Me :

1. "The Golden Compass" protestors.

Christian idiots claim this film (and the books) are indoctrinating kids in dangerous Atheist beliefs. As opposed to indocrinating them in the belief that there's a magical sky creature who watches them jerk themselves off, and judges them because of it?
Christians need to stop trying to impose their fairy tails on us, and us Atheists will stop imposing the truth on them.

2. The Interlake Regional Health Authority.

Do you people hire your staff from the lowest common denominator, and hope that your clients won't notice that they're surrounded by idiots?
It must really stick in your craw to have someone who will keep calling you on your ridiculous bullshit until your ridiculous bullshit stops.

3. The Internet Stars Are Viral

Yay us!
It says a whole pile about our society that we not only celebrate stupidity but we then celebrate a video that jams all the stupidity into one bite-size chunk.
How long till we start putting intellectuals to death, and burning books?
I wonder how far up his ass the techno viking can jam a cowbell?

4. People blaming Jessica Simpson for jinxing some sports guy who chases other guys around for a ball while rednecks cheer him on.

Nobody cares about your moronic interest in sports, and nobody cares who Jessica Simpson currently has jammed up her cooch.

5. The Writers Guild Of America

The majority of us are underpaid for doing real work, and these latte sucking motherfuckers are worried they won't be able to keep up the payments on their luxury cars.

6. WalMart

What demonic monster unleashed this consumerist beast upon the world?

7. "The Simpson's Movie" commentary tracks.

I didn't buy this DVD to see the movie paused every ten minutes so that the filmmakers could congratulate themselves.

Arthur
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Externalized Anxiety

Monday, December 17, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

I was in a computer store the other day, and witnessed a customer having a fit over the purchase of an external hard drive.
He was sweating, cursing and berating the poor salesman and I watched all of this with great amusement.
Clearly this guy was having computer issues that couldn't be dealt with by thinking happy thoughts, and he needed to be heavily medicated.
Why bring this up?
It's my blog bitches.

Arthur
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You Must Consider This

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

I've been pondering the concept of another laptop rental situation which (at this point) would be the only way that I could actually afford another laptop.
The problem is that I'm going to end up paying 20 times more for the fucking thing than if I were to save up and get it next year sometimes.
Being a lower-middle-upper-white middle-upper class person sucks the you know what.
What does me being white have to do with anything?

Arthur
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When You Think About Las Vegas ...

Friday, December 14, 2007

Dear Constant Reader,

When you think about Las Vegas do you think about the dazzling/sparkle of the place, or do you think about the cheap hotel Las Vegas that is simply there to help you blow your kids college fund?
I'm curious to hear from my readers their opinion on this because I am curious what my readers think all the time.

Arthur
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Whore-ay For Hollywood

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I just got a phone call telling me that I have been selected to be an extra in a movie. Fun!

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To Heck With That

Dear Constant Reader,

My caretaker has decided to make yet another land investment, and I'm hoping that because of this he ends up living out on the goddamn street.
The guy is a loser, a drunk and (frankly) I think he's got them there "gay tastes" for young studs.
I can't prove the last part, but who the hell needs proof when completely trashing someone's already trashy reputation?

Arthur
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I've Been Lookin At 'Em

Dear Constant Reader,

I've been pricing coffee makers, and I've decided that I'm actually better off sticking with instant coffee for now.
I just don't see the point in buying something that makes an entire pot of the fucking stuff when I really only drink about three cups a day.
If I did invest in one of these fucking things I'd probably end up wasting more coffee than I actually ended up drinking.

Arthur
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Drug Rehab - Again

Dear Constant Reader,

My brother is back (how many times is this now?) in drug rehab, and I'm kinda hoping that he swallows his fucking tongue, and dies.
That's probably being cruel, but I really don't give a rats ass at this point.
How the hell are we supposed to feel sorry for someone that's this goddamn pathetic.

Arthur
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Bathroom Smathroom

Dear Constant Reader,

So I spent the morning moving, and pricing bathroom vanities, and I wanted nothing more than to disappear into the staff washroom and tug one out.
I hate working where I need to work, and wish that a hurricane would blow the fucking place to the ground.
I can dream can't I?

Arthur
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