Sweet Merciful Jesus

Dear Constant Reader,

I ... wow

from: http://abclocal.go.com/kabc

SANTA ANA, Calif. (KABC) -- A Santa Ana teenager was arrested for allegedly raping a 9-year-old boy with a toy light saber. The teen has been charged as an adult for sexual assault.
Police Cpl. Jose Gonzalez says the Department of Social Services notified the Police Department on Monday that the youngster was sexually assaulted at the teen's home on July 16.
The 16-year-old boy was arrested Monday night and taken to Juvenile Hall on allegations of committing lewd acts with a child and rape with a foreign object.
Javier Enrique Perez, 16, was charged Wednesday as an adult for allegedly sexually assaulting a 9-year-old boy. He was charged with felonies for sexual penetration by foreign object by force, aggravated sexual assault of a child, and rape by foreign object acting in concert.
He faces a sentence of 15 years to life if convicted. He is currently being held on $1 million bail.
On July 16, the 9-year-old boy's mother dropped the boy off at a Santa Ana home to be watched while she went to work. Perez was at the home with several other children, ages ranging from 8 to 19.
Perez reportedly held the boy over a kitchen table and forcibly anally penetrated him with a hand and with a toy light saber. Two other boys allegedly watched while Perez and an 8-year-old boy, under the instruction of Perez, assaulted the 9-year-old.
After the alleged assault, Perez is accused of telling the other boys to keep the incident a secret.
Investigators say the teen and younger boy are believed to be acquaintances. There is no information about the alleged victim's condition.
The Associated Press contributed to this report.

(Copyright ©2008 KABC-TV/DT. All Rights Reserved.)

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

Christian Bale Talks About "The Dark Knight"

Dear Constant Reader,

This interview is a real treat for fans of these whacky comic book films.

WWTCK:
Thank you for joining us.

CB:
You're welcome.

WWTCK:
Is it terribly time consuming being "The Dark Knight"?

CB:
You mean making the movies?

WWTCK:
What movies?

CB:
The "Batman" movies?

WWTCK:
You've made movies?

CB:
Pardon?

WWTCK:
Fighting crime isn't sufficient?

CB:
I um-

WWTCK:
(interrupting)
In the age of global warming, don't you think it would be friendlier for our suffering environment to drive something other than the Batmobile?

CB:
It's not real.

WWTCK:
Don't try to tell me that global warming isn't real.

CB:
I mean the Batmobile

WWTCK:
What about the Batmobile?

CB:
In the movie.

WWTCK:
What movie?

CB:
I don't think this is-

WWTCK:
(interrupting)
You've had relationships with a lot of women.

CB:
Who?

WWTCK:
You.

CB:
Not really.

WWTCK:
We here would've loved to have boned Vickie Vale. Does she do anal?

CB:
Um, Kim Basinger?

WWTCK:
Kim Basinger does anal?

CB:
I-

WWTCK:
(interrupting)
Wow.

CB:
You do know who I am right?

WWTCK:
Of course.

CB:
You know I'm Christian Bale, right?

WWTCK:
Who?

CB:
"American Psycho"?

WWTCK:
Great film. I keep copies of the book by my toilet to wipe my ass, but the movie was great.

CB:
I'm not Batman.

WWTCK:
What's Batman?

CB:
Wait, what?

WWTCK:
I really appreciate the time you took to sit down with us today. Thank you, Superman.

CB:
Wait a second-

WWTCK:
(interrupting)
Thanks.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Heath Ledger] [Dark Knight] [Batman] [Christian Bale] [Movies]
-

Take It Off

Dear Constant Reader,

Fat people should not even consider wearing sexy swimwear.
I'm serious.
You need to seriously take a look at yourself in the mirror, and realize that you're terrorizing all of us with your cellulite.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

Bottom's Up

Dear Constant Reader,

Being poor sometimes means that you get an awful lot of ridiculous shit donated to you by kind souls.
One kind soul gave me a fucking wine refrigerators.
Thanks a fucking lot asshole.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with a wine refrigerator?


Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Up] [Your] [Ass] [George] [Burns]
-

GonnaBe.com

Dear Constant Reader,

There are some sites that are awesome, and there are some sites that are simply too awesome to be imagined. If you haven't been to Gonnabe.com then you're missing out on what Gonnabe.com can do to change the way you see the world. Am I over-selling it? Good.
Not only does it give you a chance to do some good, but it will make you feel good in the process.
Aren't you interested in feeling good?

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

I keep getting ...

Dear Constant Reader,

I keep getting emails offering me Phentermine no prescription.
What the fuck is Phentermine, and why the fuck would someone want to buy their drugs from a sleazy fucking email?
If you're buying drugs via email, you should probably get your fucking head checked.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

I wish that I ...

Dear Constant Reader,

I wish that I had a magical camcorder that would allow me to capture some of the activities that I'm going to be participating in this weekend.
Ever seen a really drunk Baptist?
Ever seen one Baptist try to inappropriately touch another Baptist?

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

Could someone possibly ...

Dear Constant Reader,

I promise to suck the dick of the first person to buy me a PS3. I will swallow, but don't expect any kissing. A guy has to have his limits right?
Think about that offer, and let me know if you're interested.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

I lost them, but still have my sanity

Dear Constant Reader,

I lost my eyeglasses, but I still have most of my sanity left.
Nobody can really comprehend how difficult it is to go through just one day without the aid of your glasses. It cuts off a whole lot of things that you would normally take for granted.
Sigh.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

You could try ...

Dear Constant Reader,

Ever tried to (out of curiosity) tried to ram a large, cumbersome object up your ass? I kinda wish that I hadn't tried sticking this particular object up my ass last night, but I had been drinking and the woman dared me.
Ouch.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

Never

Dear Constant Reader,

Never try weight loss when you're at the mercy of a doctor who insists on placing you on a diet. Dieting does not work!
I've lost 100 pounds by doing two things: Eating less, excercising more. SHOCKING!
Now that I've given you the secret to weight loss can you send me money for making your life a whole helluva lot better.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

One of many ...

Dear Constant Reader,

One of the many options that I have is one of many Orlando vacations or laying in my rent controlled apartment, and jerk myself to death.
Don't you just love when life gives you so many different choices?
Sometimes I wonder why God chose to put me here.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-

Burn it burn it burn it burn it down

Dear Constant Reaader,

Some people can afford to stay in luxerious las vegas hotels, and some of us are forced to stick to living in hot, overpriced apartments.
Oh, the joys of being on a limited income.

Arthur
-
Technorati Tags: [Why] [Is] [Life] [So] [Hard]
-