For Once I'm Not Being A Bullshit Artist

Dear Constant Reader,

The asshead that I'm living with actually has these fucking Hansgrohe faucets in his house, and I think he worships them more than he worships his fictional Jesus boogie-man.
Doesn't the bible say something about not giving adoration to thine plumbing?
Something like that.
I'm supposed to go to guitar lessons tonight, but I think I'll just stay home and jerk off into the asshole's denture cup.

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Baptist] [Moron] [Lunatic] [Asshole] [Prick]
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Golf In Branson?

Dear Constant Reader,

I actually know someone who's been there (who the fuck goes there?) and said that Branson golf is simply just the best in the world.
Who the fuck golfs, and who the fuck would ever decide to set foot in such a redneck shithole?
I guess I'll never understand people's idea of what entertainment is.

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Golfers] [Are] [Complete] [Fucking] [Pricks]
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Everybody Must Get Stoned

Dear Constant Reader,

There's an awful lot of stories in the bible about hookers getting eviscerated, and people getting their dumbasses stoned to death.
Why am I mentioning this?
I envy those who got eviscerated, and stoned to death.
At least their problems are solved.
I would love nothing more than to be nailed up to one of Francis' stair lifts, and left there to bleed from the asshole.
People could still use the thing, but they'd to ignore the stench of my rotting corpse.
Problem solved.

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Baptist] [Moron] [Lunatic] [Asshole] [Prick]
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Okay So I Haven't Been Around

Dear Constant Reader,

I've not been around because living with a lunatic is exhausting me.
I also start school on April 7th!
I'm not sure how well I'm going to do with that, but at least I'm doing something that I've wanted to for a long time.
I only wish that I didn't have to wake up after sleeping all night on a soul deadening foam mattress. The person that invented these things should be fucking shot.
Seriously.

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Baptist] [Moron] [Lunatic] [Asshole] [Prick]
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Oh, How I Would Love It

Dear Constant Reader,

I had a call terminate the other day (sorry Angel!) because my roomies son is an inconsiderate prick who can't wait to play with the goddamn phone.
Using the phone around here is a complete adventure, and I'm PRAYING that the Lord ... oh, I can't even attempt to do the Christian thing.
What I wouldn't give for a completely unlocked phone.

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Baptist] [Moron] [Lunatic] [Asshole] [Prick]
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Things You Don't Know

Dear Constant Reader,

Do you know what Astragalus is?
I sure as Hell didn't, and I'm not that terribly better off knowing.
I suppose that I probably should give a rat's ass when I write about something that I'm supposed to give a rat's ass about, but I just don't feel like doing that right now.
I feel like crawling into bed, and never waking up.
I'm going to try and go to bed (sometime tonight), and try to have a far better day tomorrow.
Hey, I went to church today!
Do you really give a shit?

FYI:

Astragalus (As-trá-ga-lus) is a large genus of about 2,000 species of herbs and small shrubs, belonging to the legume family Fabaceae, subfamily Faboideae. The genus is native to temperate regions of the Northern Hemisphere. Common names include milk-vetch (most species) and goat's-thorn (A. gummifera, A. tragacanthus). Some pale-flowered vetches are similar in appearance, but vetches are more vine-like.

Did you really need to know that?

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Astragalus] [Church] [Life] [Sucks] [Ass]
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Yeah Yeah It's A Watch

Dear Constant Reader,

The same abusive asshole that throws shit also buys me presents.
I suspect he'll probably want his dick sucked (sooner than letter) for these things, but I'll let him throw whatever the fuck he wants if he continues to buy me cool shit like my new Patek Aquanaut.
I sure would suck his dick for a DVD player!
Does this make me bad?

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Baptist] [Moron] [Lunatic] [Asshole] [Prick]
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He Likes To Toss My Salad ... Literally

Dear Constant Reader,

I realize I haven't been around, but that's because things have been relatively nuts for me.
My life is getting more, and more interesting everyday and I'm not entirely sure how much more "interesting" I can stand.
The man I'm living with has bull bars, and is quite capable of throwing things at me that I can't always duck.
I probably sound like an abused woman, but it's that fucking bad!
This asshole is a fucking lunatic.

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Baptist] [Moron] [Lunatic] [Asshole] [Prick]
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Barebones, Weeping

Dear Constant Reader,

The asshole that I'm living with has a barebones computer that I wouldn't feed to my dog (does that even make sense?), and he wants me to fix it.
Me?
I know how to turn on a computer, and do some things but fix one?
I already know that this dude is on some serious crack, but this really takes the cake.

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Baptist] [Moron] [Lunatic] [Asshole] [Prick]
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Broken Toe ... Really.

Dear Constant Reader,

Today I helped a non-Baptist friend of mine install a tv wall mount and ended up breaking a goddamned, fucking toe.
Okay, I didn't actually install anything.
I'm merely just making shit up.
However, I did break a toe falling over a dog.
I need a fucking drink to go with these festive painkillers that I obtained at the hospital.

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Eat] [Shit] [And] [Fucking] [Die]
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Since I Can't ...

Dear Constant Reader,

I would love to throw a plugged in capresso into the face of Francis.
He's so fucking anal that I'm quite sure that he's queer, and he's starting to get on my very last nerve.
The man is complete fucking idiot.
I'm getting sick and tired of the totality of his utter bullshit.
Deep breath!
Eventually I'll be living in a situation that doesn't involve putting up with a total assclown.
Tom? Angel? Can I move in with you guys? Please!

Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Coffee] [Java] [Shopping] [Asshole] [Prick]
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Wookin Pa Nub

Dear Constant Reader,

Are you looking for the best buy in something?
I've been shopping for a PDA, and I've yet to find the exact thing that I'm looking for.
I've hunted through catalogues, websites, etc and I've yet to get something that will allow me to do the things that I want.
Am I just being to goddamned fussy about the whole process?


Arthur
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Technorati Tags: [Best Buy] [Life] [Shopping] [Computers] [PDA]
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