Movies Of 2008/2009

Dear Constant Reader,

My neighbor, and I have seen a whole of movies over the 2008/2009 season. So many that I can't really believe it.

Here's what we've been watching, and my thoughts on each:

"Bolt": 9/10

A totally fun animated feature from the folks at Disney. Not everything they do is evil, right?

"Burn After Reading": 1/10

A total turd bath from the Cohen's. How far they've fallen since "Fargo". Avoid this giant shit sandwich at all costs.

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button": 10/10

A new cinematic classic that probably should've won far more awards than it did. David Fincher (director) brings a magical story to life on the big screen.

"The Dark Knight": 10/10

This is totally Heath Ledger's show, and the best of all the Batman films. Ledger's "Joker" will stun you. Brilliant work by all.

"The Day the Earth Stood Still": 1/10

The people responsible for this cinematic abortion should be entirely ashamed of themselves. What happened, Kathy?

"Eagle Eye": 7/10

A rollicking good time, but some of the performances are a little uninspired.

"Gran Torino": 8/10

Clint Eastwood's best directorial, and acting effort ... ever. Even the title song is a delight. Here's the video of the tune by Jamie Cullum:

"Gran Torino", by Jamie Cullum - from the motion picture "Gran Torino":



"Lakeview Terrace": 2/10

Sam Jackson has a few great moments, but this film is a thunderous bore.

"Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa": 10/10

Another animated treat that's not just for kids! God, I'm becoming fucking sentimental.

"Mamma Mia!": 1/10

Hear that? It's the sound of the members of ABBA blowing their brains out. They'd be the lucky ones.

"Marley & Me": 10/10

Not just a movie about a naughty dog. Wondrous all around.

"Max Payne": 1/10

Not only the name of the movie, but also what the audience had to endure with this piece of bullshit.

"Quantum of Solace": 7/10

Not the best Bond film, but pretty darn good. Great stunt work.

"Religulous": 10/10

Fuck God. That is all. Oh, and see this Bill Maher/Larry Charles documentary.

"Righteous Kill": 6/10

Not as bad as some critics have said.

"Twilight": 2/10

A great film if you're mentally challenged!

"Untraceable": 6/10

Standard thriller, but pretty good stuff.

"What Just Happened?" 1/10

I saw a piece of shit. THAT'S what happened.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno": 1/10

Remember when Kevin Smith made good films? That's over.

Arthur
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Hurtin'

Dear Constant Reader,

I went to the doctor today, and ended up having to get rescued by a tow truck. We ran out of gas, forgot to bring a cell and had to walk a fair distance to get to the nearest phone.

We don't quite live in the middle of nowhere, but you can pretty much see it from here.

My knees are aching like a son of a bitch.

Arthur
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Semi-Nekkid Wimenz!

Dear Constant Reader,

I've been attempting to find great lingerie deals because the woman that I'm currently um ... "doing things to" loves to dress sexily. Is "sexily" a word?

My point is that I've never really purchased something "feminine" and "sexy" before, and the store clerks have been looking at me like I'm some kind of demented weirdo.

If only they knew!

Arthur
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March Madness

Dear Constant Reader,

Going to school, and holding down a semi-decent part time job is going to be the least of my problems come March.

I don't know how much I'll be able to be online because my calendar is completely fucking jammed with shit that NEEDS TO BE DONE RIGHT AWAY OR THE EARTH WILL BE ERADICATED!!!!!!!!!!.

Okay, so maybe it's not all that bad.

Arthur
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Dumb Dee Dumb Dumb

Dear Constant Reader,

I'm pretty sure that our caretaker purchases door hardware online because we have the most useless doors I have ever seen in a building.

A coked-up zombie could tear that thing down in no time flat.

I'm so happy that we don't live in a country that actually allows coked-up zombies because that would make for a really bad day.

Arthur
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All Night Poker

Dear Constant Reader,

I've been avoiding "World of Warcraft" (again), and playing an assload of poker. I've already won $166 for being particularly adept at Omaha Hi/Lo. Not that that's anything that one should really brag about.

Omaha Hi/Lo has to be one of the easiest games to win, and you have to be a HUGE idiot to not win at least 90% of your games.

Arthur
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Things I walk through

Dear Constant Reader,

Getting into my building has always been a bit of a ... fuss.

Through this door, up this stair, around this corner, open the Westgate and on and on and on.

It's supposedly because it's a "secure living environment". It's more like a paranoid persons wet dream.

The folks who run the building do enjoy me living here, so I guess I'd better just put up with all of this.

Housing in Canada is just as bad as it is in the U.S.

Arthur
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Proper Gifting

Dear Constant Reader,

I'm only going to say this once:

Know the person to whom you're giving a gift.

Don't give huge technogeeks sports gifts, don't give your "straight" friend an inflate-a-date (unless it's a dude doll) and don't give a big reader a Blockbuster gift card.

None of that shit is acceptable.

Arthur
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Someone take me

Dear Constant Reader,

My neighbors are a collection of the most insane people one could ever gather in one building without being inside an actual mental hospital.

I grow weary of their various insanity, and would love the opportunity to just slip through the crack and slide into some Anaheim California hotel for a couple of days away from it all.

Just a couple of days is all that I'm begging for.

Arthur
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Dumb people

Dear Constant Reader,

I just want to punch the discount lights out of stupid people.

I loathe how we celebrate stupidity, and I'm so saddened seeing a world around me that appears to be getting more stupid daily. At what point did we head down this slope of idiocy? Who is out there to blame for our current slow-headed society?

I'm so craving the chance to have a really intelligent conversation with anyone that I can feel it pecking at what is left of my brain.

Arthur
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From thing to thing

Dear Constant Readers,

I've been moving from one ridiculous obsession to the next and my latest thing is: "Inside The Actors" studio.

They have the worst of guests (Jennifer Lopez, Sylvester Stallone) and the best of them (Kevin Spacey, Robert DeNiro) and I can't stop watching episode after episode. I'm currently watching the John Travolta one. Brilliant stuff.

- Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXouygSy6fo&feature=channel_page

Arthur
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Pleeeeease shut up

Dear Constant Reader,

If I have to listen to one more person thanking "God" or "Jesus" for something that has happened in their life, I think I'm going to fucking puke.

God doesn't give a rats ass about you, so please shut up about your magical sky daddy.

For Christ Sake!

Arthur
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His name is Jim

Dear Constant Reader,

The man that I go to the movies with (stop snickering) has a lot of office furniture in his apartment and I'm wondering what on earth he could be doing with it all?

He doesn't have any real "house" or "apartment" type furniture and there is something strange in that don't you think?

Perhaps he just enjoys making himself feel more important than he actually is, but isn't that the case for all of us?

Arthur
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How Is He Doing?

Dear Constant Reader,

I've not been keeping up on the news lately and I'm kind of wondering how the US is doing with their new President? No major screw-up's yet?

I'm honestly shocked that the US voted him in, but I do wonder what's really going on. There goes that electrical fire in my brain again.

Arthur
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Thankfully it's a short month

Dear Constant Reader,

I've been noticing that my bills have been chasing me down, and I'm thankful that it's a very short month. Payday is closer than it usually is and I couldn't be more relieved.

I probably shouldn't have spent that 30 bucks on a 60 day WoW membership, but I guess I can't do anything about that now, right?

I'm not even playing the goddamn game!

Arthur
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Avoiding WOW

Dear Constant Reader,

I've been avoid "World of Warcraft" because it's been affecting my ability to get any of my important school work. I'm not going to allow a silly game to affect my education, and cannot understand how anybody else would do the same to themselves.

The problem is that I'm now addicted to watching full seasons of "The Mole". Sigh. Perhaps if I rip the tv stand out from under the tv, and beat the television to death?

I seem to be more than capable of hopping from one addiction to another, but I guess I would rather watch "The Mole" instead of beating ogres to death.

Arthur
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Over and over again ...

Dear Constant Reader,

I've finally gotten through 4 seasons of the ABC reality show "The Mole". Seasons 1,2,3 and 5. Oh, I do hope that they're eventually going to bring back this show. And bring back Anderson Cooper to host it.

Am I the only one who's completely tired of the stupid reality shows that are littering the television landscape? Let's hope "The Mole" returns, and gives us thinkers something to think about.

Arthur
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